I am bringing back Shuck and Jive with a new domain name, www.shuckandjive.xyz. My Zach blog is on the sidebar. It is available for anyone to read those posts. I have decided that my period of mourning is over. My grief will always remain a part of my life, but I am not "leading" with my grief. It is now more private than public.
I am coming back to Shuck and Jive and I hope to make posts again. It is fitting to do this as I prepare next week, once again, for General Assembly. I am consciously gathering myself. I am starting to put some pieces of that shattered stained glass window that is my life together. Some color is coming back.
I am appreciative of those who stayed with me. I understand those who didn't. It is all good. A woman who came to church noticed that every pew had its own tissue box. When she asked what that was about, not wanting to get into it I told her that we were a weepy bunch. In reality, those tissues on every pew are a sign of solidarity and love for me. This congregation has wept with its pastor and family.
It has had to have been hard to watch and wonder. My sermons with their bluntness and their sharp edges have had to be a challenge to hear at times. I have held nothing back regarding my views on God and what all. I can't say whether or not anything was "grief speaking." It is all real to me. One Sunday when celebrating communion, I could literally muster no more than,
"This is bread. That's it."
"This is wine. That's it."
That is what it was. Like I said, there is some color coming back. Taste too. I am ready to move beyond autopilot and take some control again. It could be filled with starts and stops. Life does beckon. I'll follow.