Shuck and Jive

Opinions expressed here are my own and do not represent the views of the congregation I joyfully serve. But my congregation loves me!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Gay Cooties and Busybodies

The Coalition of Presbyterian Busybodies sent my secretary another e-mail today. They are in a bit of dither over gay cooties again. The General Assembly Permanent Judicial Commission (GAPJC) is meeting tomorrow to decide on a couple of church court cases.

These cases are cause for panic for the busybodies. They describe them as "critical to the life and health of the PC(USA)." Wouldn't want a minister in the pulpit who has gay cooties. The world might end. Here is their e-mail:

Dear First Presbyterian Church of Elizabethton, TN,

The General Assembly Permanent Judicial Commission (GA-PJC) will be hearing two cases this week that are critical to the life and health of the PC(USA). I'm writing to ask you and your churches to pray for PJC decisions that will honor the Lord of the Church.

The Lord of the Church thinks gay cooties are icky.

On Friday, October 30, the GA-PJC will meet at the Embassy Suites Indianapolis Downtown 110 W Washington, St., Indianapolis, IN), phone: 317-236-1800. The hearings will begin at 8:30 a.m. Eastern.

If you are in the Indianapolis area, please consider going to this meeting and praying on site. GA-PJC proceedings are open to the public.

Get your homophobic butt outta bed and pray away the gay!

The PJC will be hearing two cases. Both cases involve persons whose testimonies and/or behavior on sexuality are in conflict with the "fidelity and chastity" paragraph of the Book of Order (G-6.0106b). The polity applicable to both cases, previously unambiguous, was brought into question when the General Assembly adopted an authoritative interpretation (AI) in 2006. The AI was based on a recommendation of the Peace, Unity, and Purity (PUP) Report and allegedly allows presbyteries to grant exceptions to ordination requirements.

Even if a single cootie gets through, we are all screwed.

In 2008, the PJC ruled in Bush et al. v. Presbytery of Pittsburgh that presbyteries may not grant exceptions to any explicitly stated requirement of the constitution. The Bush decision made specific reference to the "fidelity and chastity" requirement of G-6.0106b, but the decision did not apply "fidelity and chastity" or the 2006 AI to any specific person.

What?? We don't know what we just said. Just remember gays are bad; the Bible says!

The cases being heard on Friday pertain to the consideration of specific individuals for ministerial office. Both of these cases represent attempts to seek an exception for specific homosexual persons who have openly acknowledged that they do not intend to comply with the requirements of G-6.0106b.

Ain't nothing worse than a non-complying cootie.

Please pray:

Because God needs to stay on message!
  • that the GA-PJC will render decisions that honor the Savior and are consistent with Scripture and the specific requirements of our constitution (which were upheld for the fourth time in a vote by the presbyteries in 2008-2009).
  • Have we said that the Savior is not honored by gay cooties?
  • for those who will be in Indianapolis to argue these cases. Pray for those on both sides of the arguments: pray for clarity; pray that truth will prevail.
  • You know the kinda truth we're looking for, right Lord?
  • for redemption for all whose beliefs and practices are contrary to the will of Christ revealed in Scripture, that they would find redemption through confession and God's forgiveness.
  • Or just pray that Christ will smite the cooties!
  • that God will empower those who are in Indianapolis as his witnesses and instruments of his truth.
  • Or we'll smite them for Him!
Then they graciously send you to their webpage so you will be armed with the "truth" and will thus be able to do more smiting. Lisa Larges is one of the cases to be reviewed tomorrow.

Check out That All May Freely Serve for updates.