Shuck and Jive

Opinions expressed here are my own and do not represent the views of the congregation I joyfully serve. But my congregation loves me!

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

The LayMAN's Call to Arms





The LayMAN has determined that there are but five righteous and faithful congregations left in the PC(USA) and has issued to them a call to arms.





These five congregations scattered throughout Mississippi, North Dakota, and Southern California have decided to form their own presbytery where they will be free to follow the biblical mandate to handle snakes and burn witches.


The call to arms inadvertently caught the attention of Hindu Goddess, Lakshmi. She stated she would be happy to help the LayMAN achieve enlightenment, but was rebuked by the LayMAN's commander in chief: "We don't want help from a girl," he said.

12 comments:

  1. So they want to stay hidebound to the ancient documents except the provision about property belonging to PCUSA. Sounds like they are picking and choosing what THEY will be bound by. How disingenuous!

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  2. I love the inadvertent honesty of this bullet point: "Initiated a process to revise the Heidelberg Catechism (written in 1562, adopted by the General Assembly and ratified by the PCUSA in 1967) to delete the Bible's prohibition against homosexuality."

    Heh. Apparently the Heidelberg Catechism IS the Bible now, and approving a more accurate translation (a translation already used by many much more conservative denominations) is the same as changing Scripture.

    I'm also amused by this bullet point, "Stood silent while a homosexual wedding was performed at a General Assembly related event, in flagrant violation of the PCUSA Constitution and the clear dictates of God's Word."

    When, oh when are the fundies going to learn how our polity actually works? When are they going to realize that it isn't GA's job, nor the Stated Clerk's job, nor the Moderator's job to discipline people? One might imagine that these folks would at least bother to read the Book of Order once in a while.

    And this metaphor, "The PCUSA has jettisoned the solid rock of Biblical authority and morals and is now floundering in the sea of cultural relativity " is tortured at best. If one is in a ship, shouldn't jettisoning a solid rock be a good thing? Gotta love the Soap Opera-like melodrama though. Reading the Layman is like watching Dynasty, but the later doesn't have nearly as many cat-fights in fountains. LOL

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  3. Interesting that only one side of this debate is using military language. And it is a systemic phenomenon.

    And to date no one can answer my question of why the proposed change to G-6.0106b is not Reformed and how this change is unbiblical. the fact is that it is a much better construal of the standards of ordained office since it does not pigeonhole ordination in one set of variables.

    "to live lives obedient to Jesus Christ the Head of the Church, striving to follow where he leads through the witness of the Scriptures, and to understand the Scriptures through the instruction of the Confessions. In so doing, they declare their fidelity to the standards of the church."

    Only when someone can say why this is not a faithful standard for ordination will we have a good argument presented. the argument that "it opens the door for the gays" both exposes the agenda for what it is and reveals how the lack of rigor in their ordination standards since the previous standard focuses on a sexual statement alone!

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  4. what a crock. Tabloid journalism run amok.

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  5. I heard Walm-mart is having a sale on sackcloth and ashes. Better hurry! It ends Saturday!

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  6. All they need now is to strap bomb vests on their women.

    Behold, the American Taliban.

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  7. "Only when someone can say why this is not a faithful standard for ordination will we have a good argument presented. the argument that "it opens the door for the gays" both exposes the agenda for what it is and reveals how the lack of rigor in their ordination standards since the previous standard focuses on a sexual statement alone!"

    I agree completely. This, combined with their opposition to the more accurate Heidelberg translation, definitely exposes their agenda for what it is. Once again, it's all about their unnatural obsession with the gays.

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  8. @Alan,

    "Once again, it's all about their unnatural obsession with the gays."

    Which makes me wonder if they are not all closeted gays on the down low... Hmmm... ;-)

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  9. "Which makes me wonder if they are not all closeted gays on the down low... Hmmm... ;-)"

    Oh I don't wonder about it at all. Though perhaps you were joking, I'm not. All? Well, maybe not *all*. "Most" is more likely, or perhaps "many".

    For example, I've been writing a blog for many years now, and I can't think of a single post where I obsess about the sex lives, lifestyles, and/or predilections of straight people. Because, you see, I'm simply not interested. Yet our friendly neighborhood so-called conservative Presbyterian blogging brothers and sisters can scarcely write about anything else.

    Sure, I write a lot about gay issues on my blog. But then ... I am actually gay. I also write a lot about science fiction on my blog, because I'm a geek. But I don't write much about say, rodeos, on my blog because they don't interest me, and I know nothing about them.

    And yet, some supposedly straight Presbyterians spend nearly all their time writing about the gays. That seems odd. (And let's not even mention the fact that most of these folks can't seem to write about sex without their thoughts immediately going to bestiality and incest. For most of us, I'm wagering we probably never even think about such things unless they bring it up; unfortunately they're always bringing it up. Also odd. Ahem.)

    So, given the abundance of recent evidence (Haggard, Craig, Foley, etc., etc., etc., etc.), I'd say there's more than enough reason to suspect that folks who are particularly vocal homophobes are simply closet queens. (Not to mention the psychological studies that have found a strong correlation between homophobia and um .... homosexual arousal.) Frankly, these days "conservative Christian homophobe" is up there with "hair stylist" and "florist" in the pantheon of gay stereotypes.

    So then, we need to have an even greater measure of compassion for these folks who are learning first hand that denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

    Or to put all that more succinctly, as I saw in a T-Shirt the other day, "Is it really my sexuality that you have a problem with, or your own?"

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  10. Anyone else fascinated by the LayMAN's decision to frame their objections to the PC(USA)'s alleged "unfaithfulness to Christ" by encouraging its members to "Take Up Arms"? What was it that long-haired Palestinian hippie Jew said about "those who live by the sword shall die by the sword"?

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  11. You can tell a person's god by their language.

    Those who use language like that are worshipers of Mars. He is the god of war.

    I firmly believe the Layman is not made of followers of Jesus and I have said so on numerous occasions. This is the kind of evidence I present. It is subtle, but telling.

    Its tools are simple yet effective.

    It lies, it character assassinates, it strives to cause dissent and riots, it twists the facts to suit its own agenda. These are not the tools of the Holy Spirit. Its fruits are not the fruits of the Holy Spirit. Its purpose has always been to break the PCUSA - anyway it can.

    Quite literally it stands against (anti) Christ.

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  12. "To know a person's religion we need not listen to his profession of faith but must find his brand of intolerance." Eric Hoffer

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