Shuck and Jive

Opinions expressed here are my own and do not represent the views of the congregation I joyfully serve. But my congregation loves me!

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Why the Obamas Should Become Presbyterian

As you know by now, Barack and Michelle Obama have left their church. It got a little hot in the pulpit. Here is his decision:

H/T Ponderings

Now that they are fair game,
  • sheep without a shepherd,
  • sinners without a hospital,
  • and probably hefty donors without a congregation to which to give,
I hereby invite the Obamas to become members of First Presbyterian Church of Elizabethton! Here is why you should pick us:
  1. I rarely say, "God damn America" from the pulpit. (At least I haven't been recorded as saying it).
  2. Ten former presidents have been Presbyterian. a whopping 23.8% (second only to the Episcopalians--but if you become Presbyterian, we would tie with the Episcopalians and knock them of their pedestal).
  3. The American Revolution was considered by King George III as that "Presbyterian Rebellion." Can't get more American than that.
  4. First Pres of Elizabethton is 225 years old, dating back to the Rebellion. Tennessee Presbyterians kicked some Anglican tail at King's Mountain.
  5. Like the Obamas, we have now taken that fightin' spirit and have turned it toward peacemaking.
  6. Like the Obamas, we work to alleviate hunger and make the world a better place.
  7. We are progressive and a More Light-CovNet congregation and like the Obamas believe in equal rights for lgbt people.
  8. We have an awesome nursery and children's ministry--we are a fun, safe place for the little Obamas.
  9. We will let you dress up.
  10. And when Heifer Project comes round again, you can join our ritual and kiss a llama, Obama.
I await with eagerness your letter of transfer.