Opinions expressed here are my own and do not represent the views of the congregation I joyfully serve. But my congregation loves me!

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Rapture? Nashville's Ready!


I do want to remind all ladies and men who dress like ladies to wear appropriate rapture wear on May 21st, 2011.


While you are going up to see your lord, you don't want the unfortunates who are left behind to look up and see...uh...your...well...you know.




As you know we had a rapture scare on July 7th, 2007 (7/7/07). I followed the situation quite closely as you may recall.

Check here for a refresher.

But this could be the real one.

Really.

The Rapture.

I feel it comin'.

Nashville is ready.

NASHVILLE (UPI) -- Billboards in Nashville and eight other cities around the United States advertise The Rapture, saying it will take place on May 21, 2011.

The advertisements were arranged by fans of Family Radio Inc., and the date is the one worked out by the Christian network's founder, Harold Camping, The (Nashville) Tennessean reports. They say "He Is Coming Again" and warn there is less than six months to get into a state of grace.

Allison Warden, 29, of Raleigh, N.C., who was in charge of the billboard campaign in Nashville, would not say who supplied the funding. Other cities include Louisville, St. Louis, Detroit, Little Rock, Omaha, Kansas City, Fort Wayne, Ind., and Bridgeport, Conn.

Camping calculated his date based on the belief there would be 7,000 years between Noah's Flood, dated at May 21, 4990 B.C., and the Rapture, when faithful Christians are taken up into heaven.

There have been numerous predictions of the Second Coming. William Miller, founder of the Seventh-Day Adventists, predicted it would take place in 1843, an event that became known as the Great Disappointment.

The Adventists have become more cautious.

"The Bible says no one knows the day or the hour," said the Rev. Fred Fuller of Madison Campus Seventh-day Adventist Church near Nashville. "I don't believe that date-setting or the scare tactic of an immediate date is a biblical approach."
Forty billboards all over Nashville have been warning Nashvillians to stop their sinning. I sure hope they do. Nashville is a very sinful place. I'll bet the whole blessed city will be left behind.

Count on Shuck and Jive for more reports as the day draws nigh.

I just bet you didn't know that Noah's flood happened on May 21, 4990 B.C. Not everyone knows that. You also might not know that after the ark landed, Noah got piss drunk, passed out naked in his tent, cursed his grandson and started slavery.

Good times.

Here's your billboard.

Blame Bill

8 comments:

Pastor Bob said...

There goes wearing the kilt for the rapture.

John Shuck said...

Hee hee. As long as you have the bloomers under the kilt!

Riley said...

I'm thinking of going "naked and unashamed". Should modesty really be our first priority during such a glorious event? Fair warning: I'll be au naturel all of May 21st.

John Shuck said...

Thanks for the warning!

Sea Raven, D.Min. said...

Where's Rev. Monkey? Clearly his time has now arrived -- The Nekkid Rapture at last!

Maybe those nudie-scan machines in the Airports can be used as portals to heaven?

I feel an end-times novel coming on.

Snad said...

Damn! My insurance renews on May 15th!

Oh well. I'll just help myself to the bank accounts (cars, homes, wardrobes, etc) of some local pious Christians who shall have ascended. I'll be sure to feed their critters, too.

Question: How does one get oneself into a state of grace if that grace is only granted by the Big Guy and is not dependent upon your piety or lack thereof? Seems to me if I just get up at 12:01a on 05/21/11 and accept Jesus into my heart, I'll have just as much chance as everyone else!

As Aquinas said, "Lord, make me chaste. But not yet." I have a 5 1/2 months or so.

Pastor Bob said...

Bloomers under the kilt! Meh genoito! (Greek from Paul: best translation? Hell No!) I'll wear my regimentals and keep my knees together. Besides, as Riley suggests, I don't think God has a dress code. If nude was good enough for the Garden than nude should be good enough for a rapture.

Hmmm, guess I better do some exercising if I want to look good au naturel by May 21.

Snad me dear, that was Augustine, not Aquinas.

Snad said...

Ooops - correctamundo, Bob (which translated means "D'oh! I am a knob.")