O boy, o boy, oboy, oboy, oboy. Jesus was supposed to be here hours ago to prepare for the Rapture which should have happened at 07:07:07 Jerusalem time. It is already 07:26:00.
I am not sure what to do now. We have lost communication with Jesus. We are busy scanning the galaxy for his Lincoln Town Car. Mother Mary is in a panic. It is chaos in Heaven. I am trying to make it calm by piping in some soothing Barry Manilow music. This one is playing now.
We are on standby in heaven, biting our nails. It is possible that the Rapture will still occur. It will be delayed just a bit, that is all. The food will be fine for another day or so.
So, keep your bloomers on. The Rapture could occur at any minute. I am frantic. Everyone in heaven is frantic. I hope I hear from him soon and that he is OK.
I will let you know as soon as I hear from him.
Keep your fingers crossed,
Secretary 9B8 gamma sector